My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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