I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
God I need to hump something, right now.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
