I want to make a zoo with you.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
