When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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