Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
