my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize