Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
