i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
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You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
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Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction