you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
