Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
