11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
