Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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