Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
