Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Are we still banned from the library?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
