I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
