5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
