hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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