there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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