I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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