No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
