Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
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stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
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You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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