sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
