Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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