I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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