Taylor Swift is so right about you.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
