i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
