so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
