the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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