lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
