Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
