Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I had to cum in my sink.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
