So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He better not be in your backpack
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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