No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
