Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
