I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
They took my balls.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
