i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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