we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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