Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
