I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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