Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
