lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
