Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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