R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
And then he peed in my hair
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