dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
