Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
