the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
is it fun? or sober?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
