Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
