My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
