I like my sex mixed with concussions.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
