They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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