My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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