There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im holly from the hills drunk
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
