Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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