I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
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He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
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I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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