just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
