Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
