my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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