Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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