And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
