i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
