420 ftw
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
