yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
