we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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