my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
