he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Let's paint friendship bongs
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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