Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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