meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
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Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
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you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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