and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
pray to the hookup gods
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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